Dear Diary,

Long time no blog! Missed me? *Grin* 2 days ago i looked liked some China village girl but now I'm an angmor doll! Lost? Okie explanation time! I cut my BEAUTIFUL tress a few days ago and i nearly cried when i looked in the mirror cos i looked FREAKING UGLY. At first i thought i looked like me when i was 4 years old. But on second look i was a giant mushroom with patches of blonde highlights! I didnt even dare to lift my head up to walk out of the place. I needed a new hair colour man..

*** 2 days later... ***

I made my way to the salon armed with my trusty white Bebe sequinned cap. Everyday was a bad hair day since the i-tink-it looks-better-shorter-so-i-kept-cutting-woman showed me my new coconut head! The first lady that attended to me wanted me to do a Chinadoll (thai pop group) style! Whole head black except for the ends! NO WAY! Than another lady came along and said she will do 3 part highlights in red. Sounds great since i've not had red for a pretti long time. 2 hours later, a walking angmor doll was born! I dunno how to describe myself now but it def looks MUCH better than before! In fact, i tink i look pretti cute now.. =) Getting the highlighted parts bleached red next month.. FREE. Eat your hearts out. *Giggles*

Oh, i found a primary school friend in FHM! Siti Fadilah Omar! Realised that pp pretti much retain their looks cos she looks the same except for the new found boobs and hot bod! Ha.. She is taking part in the FHM heartland honey or something competition.. Vote for her if ur gonna vote ya! Numero 1!

I've got alot of pp asking y i call myself a bimbo. Firstly, everyone calls me a bimbo! Secondly, i really wanna become one. Seriously, i tink bimbos & blondes hv got great bodies and fantastic lives.

Evidence that i am a bimbo/dumb blonde at heart? I wanted to be a cheerleader. Need more evidence? Erm.. just ask pp who call me a Bimbo y they label me one... Seriously speaking, i hv no idea y they call me so either! 0_o

Penned on: 10/25/2003 12:31:00 pm

Listening to Class 95 and wondering...

+ How do u know if one is telling the truth & not a white lie?
+ How do u know if a person loves you & only you?
+ How do u know if a person is truly sorry?
+ How do u know when to give up on someone?
+ How do u know if ur just a replacement?
+ How do u know if someone is juz paying lip service?

Do i have the answers? No I don't. Anyone care to enlighten me?

Personally, i tink im a loser. I haven't had anything that i can call an achievement in life so far. Even though ive gone through lots of "counselling" and many years have gone by, the A levels is something that i will regret all my life & nv get over. Up till now i hv no directions in life. I just know i wanna break free fr where i am now. I hate it.

Penned on: 10/19/2003 02:45:00 am

Im so freaking pissed. Just bcos ive been to college, hv a slightly better command of english & no more projects fr my core modules DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO DO THE WHOLE FREAKING WISP PROJECT! I hate IS as much as all of u! Listen up for good!!

I HATE DOING IS PROJECTS!

I dun understand y everyone thinks i like doing all this. I hate project work in anything more than groups of 2. It always meant having to do almost EVERYTHING on my own every single freaking time! Ive been doing these stupid projects for pp ever since Year 1 n i HATE it!!

Maybe i shld just do the "eh, im sorry! I'll treat u to lunch and do the presenting ok? Dun be angry..." thingy. So much easier! No need to waste time researching n browsing tons of web page nor read thru the thick report that was submitted to the President & Parliament for the sake of this bloody project.

Aargghh!! Fark everything. Why give my pretti face more wrinkles?! *#$@*&&*$%!!*

I feel better after all these whining. Sleep tite everyone.

Penned on: 10/17/2003 12:16:00 am

Im caught in the Friendster trend right now. Its interesting how u can find long lost pals thru connections with friends on your list. I found alot of ex school mates and friends here which i think is real cool! Sadly, most people are just in it to collect as many friends & testimonials possible on their list. I hear pp going: "How many hv u got on your list? 150! Shit! i must catch up! ". 2 words. Stupid. Childish.

Anyway, received a really cute bulletin on Friendster. Check it out!

Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopy pants!" by Dav Pilkey:
In it, the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names. Here's how...

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = poopsie
b = lumpy
c = buttercup
d = gidget
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = fluffy
h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = stinky
k = flunky
l = boobie
m = pinky
n = zippy
o = goober
p = doofus
q = slimy
r = loopy
s = snotty
t = tootie
u = dorkey
v = squeezit
w = oprah
x = skipper
y = dinky
z = zsa-zsa

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

* a = apple
* b = toilet
* c = giggle
* d = burger
* e = girdle
* f = barf
* g = lizard
* h = waffle
* i = cootie
* j = monkey
* k = potty
* l = liver
* m = banana
* n = rhino
* o = bubble
* p = hamster
* q = toad
* r = gizzard
* s = pizza
* t = gerbil
* u = chicken
* v = pickle
* w = chuckle
* x = tofu
* y = gorilla
* z = stinker

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

* a = head
* b = mouth
* c = face
* d = nose
* e = tush
* f = breath
* g = pants
* h = shorts
* i = lips
* j = honker
* k = butt
* l = brain
* m = tushie
* n = chunks
* o = hiney
* p = biscuits
* q = toes
* r = buns
* s = fanny
* t = sniffer
* u = sprinkles
* v = kisser
* w = squirt
* x = humperdinck
* y = brains
* z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts.

My new name is Pinky Lizard. My last name had only 2 letter so i only hv half of my new last name. Wats yours? *wink*


Penned on: 10/15/2003 02:13:00 pm

I'm B O R E D . . .

I have lotsa stuff to do but i just cant be bothered.

+ take photo 4 renewing my driving licence.
+ study for coming exams since i kw nuts abt everything.
+ clean my room.
+ collect my CLEO stuff fr The Arcade.
+ cut & colour my tress.
+ read up on SISTIC Singapore 4 FYP.
+ learn more java 4 stupid FYP again.

Grrr... I hate this. Im gonna continue procrastinating.. Donch care.

Morpheus, whoever u r, thanks. I know thats wat i shld do... When Someone Hurts Me, Cry A River, Build A Bridge, And Get Over It... Though i've alrdy cried a sea, i won't drown in it cos i hv confidantes that r there when i fall & will save me if i sink. U know who u r and i thank u 4 everything.

Well, quick update. There are new developments but status remains... I'm happy with the current arrangements.

Penned on: 10/12/2003 10:03:00 pm

Y hasn't my dad thrown away the fish when its flipped over? It bothered me but I had no time to sound him about this. One fine day, i decided to do it for my lazy dad. I reeled in shock after i took one look at it. The fish was alive.

Tears brimmed at my eyes. Its eyes are red and dilated. It floats in the top left corner. I tried feeding it some food. But it cant eat cos it has flipped over, stomach up like a dead fish. Its stomach, bloated to the size of a hard boiled egg, lies above water level. It fins were hardly moving. Its skin is 3 shades darker than its mates.

A fish needs water. Having its stomach out of the water would hurt. I tried splashing some water on its red and sore stomach. It cringed in pain and made a futil effort to escape. I cried cos i brought it so much pain. I didnt know what to do, i was at a lost. I just squatted by the aquarium and looked at it in its eyes.

It was in so much pain. I could almost feel it on myself. My sister came along and told me its been like that for 2 months alrdy. I couldn't believe it.

It's been 4 mths alrdy and the fish is still alive. Everyday, i could see a little of its life slip away. But i also see the will to survive. The desire to stay alive.

I have contemplated ending its life. But on seconds thoughts, i realised i had no right. Despite all the pain its going through, it still fights for every passing second. Though chances are slim, I really hope it gets well cos it deserves this chance. But if its meant to go, pls help it leave painlessly. I cant bear to see it suffer anymore.

Penned on: 10/10/2003 08:39:00 pm

She is V E R Y A N G R Y. I dunno how to appease her. She will prob dig my brains out after she reads what im going to write. I'm sorry im such a silly n useless sister...

After everything thats happened, my heartbeat doubles whenever he approaches. I have butterflies in my stomach even when his name flashes on my icq contact list. Its the same feeling i had when i was falling in love with him.

I dunno if im a moron or a retard. Prob both cos i still yearn for him even though he is forbidden fruit now. I hate tis.

Penned on: 10/09/2003 08:49:00 pm

I've been so overwhelmed by everything that's happening that i forgot to thank some pp..

Doggie & Kingten aka Corn who made me felt happy with the weirdest icq msgs & smses.

Squid for drowning our troubles together in the rain & giving me comfort food. we'll get thru this stage together.

Dotter for being there whenever i hv a great fall. Will include u in our next puddle fight. Promise!

Hamtaro. Dun feel bad, i dun need u 2 b here physically. I know ur there for me. U even made me cry with this:
"I'd rather look after you.." = Hamtaro, 16:01:06, 07-10-2003 =

If u dun see yr name here, dun get upset cos i appreciate everything u've done too.. =)

Penned on: 10/09/2003 05:54:00 pm

Thou shalt not cry.

I controlled my emotions so well it shocked me. But i lost it when i realised there wasn't any answer to my questions.

What does he like abt her? Silence.
What was he accused of? Silence.
Why did it take 6 years to realise he still likes her? Silence.
Why was he ready to move on instantly? Silence.

How cld this be possible? I dunno. The night draws to an end. He said his last but most important words. I paused. I shook my head and trembled like a girl who has been abused.

I want it but i'm scared. Too many unresolved issues. Too much at stake. I'm not a toy. I didn't do anything wrong. I dun deserve this. I'm not ready. Not now.


Penned on: 10/09/2003 05:32:00 pm

im standing in the rain
tears flowing down my face
what seemed like eternity
was only yesterday.

im staring at the sky
thoughts running through my mind
visions of u filled my sight
but ur no longer mine.

when i see u
i wld smile & laugh
just so u tink
that ive moved on

when im near u
i wld look happy
just so u tink
that im over you

im sitting by the road
thinking of the times we had
it brought a smile to my face
but nv to be here again

im lying in my bed
overwhelmed by dreams of u
kissing & touching someone
on a face that wasnt mine

when i see u
i wld smile & laugh
just so u tink
that ive moved on

when they ask me
are you over him
i'll say im in love
and always will be

Penned on: 10/08/2003 05:46:00 pm

Once upon a time, there was a girl called, Maimai, whom fell in love with this boy called Maizai. They spent lots of time together & her favourite activity was to go roller blading with him on late nights by the beach. Before long they got together. Life was perfect for her. She found a place where pp loved her more than her family & felt a great sense of belonging. His appearance only made the picture more beautiful & complete.

Maimai & Maizai continued with the little activities they had before getting together. They went blading, school, classes & food hunting together. They always get takeaways & ate in each other's company at a nearby carpark, away from the bustling stall.

Blading with him at the beach was her favourite activity. They would take a slow drive to the beach and talk non stop about anything in the world. He would hold her hands while blading, hold her tight if she slipped & care for her if she fell. Few words were exchanged. But the warmth of his hand and his mere presence was more than enough.

But all good things come to an end. Maimai realised that Maizai was not smiling as much as before. He no longer holds her hands nor tells her "i love u". He would rather spend time with anybody but her. They stopped all activities. Maimai thought she was probably being over-sensitive. But she soon felt the intense aloofness in him and decided to have a heart to heart talk.

He said he felt restrained & pressured by her. Maimai was getting alot of attention in school and he feels like a fool everytime they are seen together. She demands too much time and attention from him. He wanted to leave her. She persuaded him not to and promised to change. He relented. Scenes like that started happening more often. Their relationship was going through a rollercoaster ride.

Things got back to normal for awhile. Maimai tried really hard to please him. She seeked less attention and became less overbearing. Maimai bought a new pair of roller blades just so she could have an excuse to go blading with him again. But it never happened.

They used to do everything together and with each other in mind. Not anymore. He does everything with his friends. When questioned, all he says is "Sorry, i forgot". Maimai is upset, but brushes it off everytime for fear of losing him.

One fine day, she called him as usual. But he said nothing to her.

"Why are u not talking to me?"
"I have nothing to tell you..".
"How come u always got nothing to tell me?"
"I dunno.."

She started crying. He used to talk to her. But not anymore. He has things to say to anyone but her.

He asked: "You got flu is it?"
She said: "No."

It was obvious Maimai is crying. But he either feigned ignorance or just could not be bothered. After a while she hung up. Something has gone really wrong with the relationship & its time she stopped avoiding the problem. She knew she would regret this but still messaged him on his mobile phone anyway.

"Dydy, tell me the truth. Are you happy when u r with me? Do u still like me?"

She trembled in fear as she waited for his reply. After what seems like eternity, her phone beeped.

"To tell you the truth, i couldnt stop thinking about my ex gf."
"Is that y u always forget to call me when ur out with them?"
"partly.."

Before the worst could come, she asked him to sleep over at her place that night. But he said he was too tired to move and wasn't feeling well. She told him that she really didnt want to be alone tonight and is scared that there wont be a next time. He came.

They didnt exchange any words. Just got into bed and tried to sleep. She was trying her best to hide her tears. He knew but still asked if she is having a flu. After some time he fell asleep. Maimai opened her eyes to look at him. He was sleeping like a baby. She reached out to touch his soft hair and caressed his face over and over again. She knew that he was going to leave her for good when dawn breaks and she was not going to waste any time sleeping. She looked at him and couldnt help feeling sorrowful. Why did things turn out this way? What has she done wrong? Why does he like someone else? Is she not better than his ex gf? Questions like this raced through her mind the whole night as she continued sobbing uncontrollably while watching him sleep. But she cant fight time nor destiny.

It was 8.40am. His mother called and asked him to go home. After hanging up, they just stared at each other. Her pillow was already soaked with tears but the tears just kept on rolling down her face. She mustered up her courage and asked:

"Maizai, do you have anything to tell me?"
"Maizai says sorry to maimai.."

She held him so tightly and tried fighting back the tears but it was futile. He was determined to leave her. She tightened her grasp. She was holding him. But he was no longer there. His heart was with her. It was never here nor belonged to her throughout this one and a half years.

She didnt want to let go. She would lose him forever once she did. She cried and cried as he tried to comfort her. But nothing would bring him back. She loosen her grasp and he left. He waved goodbye as the lift door closed on him for the last time. He was gone.

She fell to the floor and trembled uncontrollably. Her emotions were in overdrive. She didn't want this to happen. She couldnt face the fact. Couldnt face reality. Her roller blade still sits in the box. She continues to weep. Its now 6.30pm. She has been crying for 18 hours.

Penned on: 10/07/2003 06:30:00 pm

How cld he forget to call me everytime? Everything i do is considered "bo liao". Even opening a bank account is stupid n a waste of time to him. I am obviously insignificant & not impt enuf to warrant the attn i want.. I hate it.

My tummy is as big as pooh bear's! Omigod.. I so need to do something abt it! When i walk, i look like im pregnant! Darn.. Prob start swimming again after PWA assg.. *i hope*

Just had lunch n choco ice cream! Contradicting myself? Yeah i noe.. but its so yummy! Still trying to finish my PWA. But im pretti proud of what i hv done so far.. *hee* Gonna share with u a pic of a good looking man that my cutest friend sent me. Dun worry abt the drooling, its normal. ;)

Penned on: 10/04/2003 04:14:00 pm

Stupid black shit! Made us wait for her n call her office like idiots for 45 mins yesterday! That brainless pc of crap knew we had an appointment with her at 5pm yest but she did the interview for her 2 fav students first! When she finally decided to saunter out at 5.45pm with those two little pieces of poo, she had the cheek to ask y we didnt call n inform her we r here alrdy! Than she asked y we didnt leave a voice msg for her immediately after telling us that she wasnt in her room at all thus not answering our calls! DUH! How the hell is she going to know we left a voice mail since she isnt in her freaking room??!! I could wring all her black pigmentation out n step on her till she disintegrates! Oof!

Had a new item on Mac breakfast menu today! Yipee! Bagel with cheese, egg n turkey bacon. Yummy!

Item: Cheese, egg, turkey bagel meal @ KAP
Rating: **** (4/5)
Comments: Bagel a little too hard. Cheese was melting with every bite!

Having WISP now. Had to take about "War is part of human nature's struggle for survival". Reminds me of my GP days man.. Stumped the whole class with my talk abt evolutionary psychology.. Nobody except the teacher understood wat i said.. Drats!

Penned on: 10/03/2003 11:30:00 am

Sitting at the lift lobby of blk 23 Level 5. Waiting for that stupid indian woman to conduct my interview. *grumbles*

Just finished another recording for the video. The Director is showing it to ALL the staff in ICT tmr. Do not like the idea at all... But i don't hv a choice right? Just gotta bear with all the "Hi Jamie! How are you? Good job!" from all the weird pp that will be approaching me after tmr.. Yuck...

Gtg! Interview starts now...

Penned on: 10/02/2003 05:01:00 pm

Took cab to skool todae. $12! Darn.. Y do i hv to forget my my EZLink card? Y do i hv to wear formal stuff n do stupid interview today!? Y do i hv to bring my lappy n thick NA textbook?! Aarggh!

On a better note, i coloured dydy's hair for him yesterday. I tink i did a great job! After the whole process, i just can't stop looking at him n tink how great he looks now! I keep wanting to smooch him.. *wahaha*

Today's hammy's first day at work. Wonder how is it... Gonna msg her right now... Ttyl! =D

Penned on: 10/02/2003 12:44:00 pm

Brand new start for me blog! *Yipee*

At dydy's place doing PWA project. Doing a Health application that calculates your daily calorie intake, calorie needs, BMI, WHR, keeps track of your monthly calories and etc! The cutest part is our splash screen! A raccoon with a first aid box walking up n down the screen! *bwahaha*

Just read Pet S's blog.. She's feeling down.. Dun worry, everything is gonna be OK! *hugz*

Hamtaro's got a new job! Happi for her... Can finally stop growing mushrooms n become happier! The location is so strategic! Can see so mani mani girls! No wonder she accepted the job.. *grinz*

*Scolding in the background*
Dydy's complaining.. Gtg carry on with my Dymie Production! Ttyl! *MuAcKs*

Penned on: 10/01/2003 02:55:00 pm